matchbreaker | Recollé IC Inbox

[ Before she censors herself: ]

Don't give me that.

[ . . . Well, shit, if she said that she might as well lean into it, keeping her hands holding hers. ]

Something being an inevitability or less visible doesn't make it fine, especially if that's something you've been privately dealing with. [ . . . ] The sun's going to be rejecting me one of these days, that's not fine even if I've been prepping for it.

[ Ah—

Elizabeth blinks at her, and... well, Elda's right. It doesn't make it fine, but... still. Her tone's even as she replies, a small crease to her forehead ]

A friend of mine has robot arms now, and her inevitability is that she will become a fully-functioning android. She won't be able to feel or experience things she used to, and she's terrified of it, Ms. Marker, and of what people will think. What someone who is very special to her will think. [ Disgust and fear and... Elizabeth sighs softly. ] You and her are alike, I think, in that what you become will prohibit your actions... It will limit your experiences. But for someone like me...

[ mmm. ]

It won't. That's all I mean.

[ There is a part of her, the most selfish part of her who initially makes to respond "so what?" and the moment that forms on her lips, she herself still being agitated now she comes to the realization that... Ah, that's the response that the Elda Marker in her memories, for all of her admirable flaws, would he definitely answered.

Instead, she bites her lip and... ]

... It might. For you, I mean. If it didn't, then it wouldn't be something you asked me to keep secret.

[ ... ]

I'm sorry about your friend, that's horrifying.

[ ...There's some truth to that, but she purses her lips and leaves it. ]

As I am, and... it is. I wish I could do more for her, Ms. Marker, than simply hold her hand and comfort her through this. [ A small huff, before she slowly pulls her hands away so she can stir her tea a little more and sip it.

...mm, not really to her taste, but that's fine. ] When we go off of Retrospec, do we keep our changes, or do our bodies revert back to the way they were?

[ . . . Well, if she wants her hands back, then she'll get it. And some distance, to go back to her own tea. She does want to sip it, after all. But...! ... Yeah she just drinks it straight and black because of course she does.

That said, ]

Toushirou's hair is black now, right? For a while there before he left the app, it had been white. So... I think people revert.

Then I hope she gets off of this app. [ That's... said a little too firmly, a little too quickly, but— ] I don't... usually wish such things on people, because I appreciate being able to speak about the weird happenings without being brushed off, but...

[ ...but it would be easier, she means. Better. If her friend wasn't on it, and suffering so. ]

[ Her gaze falls to the cookies for a moment and she nods ]

No, no, that makes sense. If it's something that can't be helped, something she doesn't want to try to handle, then of course it would be better for her to be off it. [ ... ] If that's her wish, of course.

[ She hums a little, picking up a cookie. ]

I don't know if it is, honestly. I didn't ask.

[ She rubs the lip of her tea cup with her finger, turning her gaze down to it. ]

...Ms. Marker, would you want to be off of this? Given your... eventual extreme allergy to sunlight, to put it lightly.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about that, if I'm honest.

[ She drums her fingers on the counter and... ]

... Can I be honest with something, Elizabeth? It might color your impression of me.

Of course. I've said some things already I'm certain colors your impression of me, so... I'm truly in no place to judge whatever you may say.

[ At least, that's how she feels. ...She didn't swear in front of Elda, but she still had an Opinion. ]

If you consider that too much, we need to get you to be a little more rebellious.

[ She tilts her head again and then presses her hand on the counter. ]

... Honestly, I don't know if I'll reach the point where people need to die for me or not. Can vampires from her world survive off just blood packets, or does it need to be fresh? I know that she extracted blood from teenagers to siphon off some for her husband, but I've also seen her surrounded by a bunch of face down people I'm not sure if they were dead or not.

[ She spreads her fingers ]

If I'm honest, the more I learn, the more I think it won't be that stark, that I won't need to have people die just to feed me. Certainly, the concern's far, far less pressing or likely than becoming a robot or God forbid all of Albert's worries. But in considering it... I've had to consider, "ah, well, I won't have people die for me."

[ Elda please........... Do you really want to see a rebellious Elizabeth...

But ah, people... dying for her. Of course—vampires need blood to live, and so do humans, just in entirely different ways. It's her turn to take Elda's hand, sliding hers beneath her one on the counter and lifting it with a squeeze. ]

I'm truly sorry you've had to consider this. [ And she is; Elizabeth Velveteen is terrible at talking to people, terrible at comforting them, but this. This much she can do, at least. ] But I don't see how this could change my impression of you at all... I've always thought you a kind woman, Ms. Marker.

[ Overbearing at times, but kind. She's a lot like Silver, in that sense. ...She's pretty sure Silver would make a face if she said that. ]

Thinking that you won't have people die for you like that is proof enough. It's always been my belief that who we are in the past—in these memories—don't define who we are now, or who we will be, or what friends we'll have. [ It's a sentiment that's given her comfort, that's given others comfort. ] Regardless of how the previous Ms. Marker fed and operated as a vampire... the way you deal with this will be different. [ ... ] And I think that it's just as pressing as becoming a robot, honestly.

[ Her own changes, not so much. She just doesn't want anyone to know. ]

[ Yes, it will be different. Particularly because of her simple self-ultimatum, one she's not sure that Elizabeth caught onto - no one will die because she needs to devour their life. But if that's how her biology works then... well, then it's simple. She can't survive any longer.

It's a thought she hates, one which she's not sure she can move forward with when the come comes for that and as such she does hope that it doesn't come to that. She takes the touch well, frowning to herself and... exhaling softly. ]

So if you're asking me if I'd rather be here than not... I mean, the obvious answer's that it's sophistry. As long as Albert or Silver are here, or Toushiro was, then of course I want to be here in order to help them or you as best I'm able. Divorced from all that, just as me... If you asked me even three months ago, I'd have said that I don't want to deal with the Damocles hanging over my head.

But at this point... [ She inclines her head a little. ] That woman, and that world, someone else framed it to me in a way I think I agree with: they deserve to be remembered.

[ ...She doesn't want to think about the implication, so she's looking slightly off to the side, honestly. Go eat some animals or something, like in Dusk. ]

They deserve to be remembered... [ Elizabeth purses her lips, considering it, then nods slowly. ] ...I suppose that you're right. Well, no, you are... It would be nicer to remember their memories as a sort of movie instead of feeling them though, I think.

Probably! ... No, definitely. But...

[ She hums... squeezing her hands ] I don't think I'd have understood otherwise, for better or worse.

[ ...A small squeeze back, smiling slightly. ]

Perhaps I can understand that. For all the... eccentricities my other self has, her wish to explore the world outside of the room she resides in—outside of the role she has been given—is one that resonates with me quite a bit. [ Finding your own place in the world, doing new things without worrying about what people think... Those are things near and ear to her heart.

Because that's her. For all the naivety that woman has, the core bits of it are the same. Maybe that's what souls are—intrinsic parts of a person that remain unchanged. An interesting thing to ponder at a later date. ] ...Before I forget to do so, allow me to thank you for listening to me, Ms. Marker.

--Hah! Please, I'm the one that prompted it. You don't thank people for dragging out your worries.

[ Is what she says immediately. But then she corrects, still laughing a little but righting herself and smiling for the other with a somewhat more ... serious? Expression. ]

Or well, you can, I won't stop you. But it seems to me that's a natural thing for me to do - both to drag it and to listen to you.

Is that what mothers do?

[ The question is out before she can help it, and she bites her lip for a moment before turning her gaze away once more. ]

...My own died when I was quite young—her and my father both. None of my other relatives were quite the same... Not to say they were cruel, heavens no, but... [ She pauses again, then very carefully continues: ] The way they treated me, and the way they treated their own children, was slightly different. I believed they didn't think I'd notice, however... I did.

[ Oh...

She looks a little off to the side herself, taken aback by the question in a strange way she can't put her finger on. In the end, she lifts up the tea to her lips and takes a long sip of it, mostly to center herself... And what she responds and, ]

It's certainly how I've tried to handle it - motherhood, that is.

[ . . . ] Children really are more empathetic than most give them credit for - in some ways, that is. [ they can also be shit but - they can sense their own treatment more often than not. ]

[ Elizabeth makes a soft, understanding hum, lifting her cup up after a moment. She doesn't drink though, content with the heat of it by her lips, and cuts her gaze back to Elda. ]

Thank you. [ again. ] I find you quite overbearing sometimes, but it isn't as if that's always a bad thing... I'm simply unused to it. You and Silver are quite similar like that.

[ He's a charming, sweet boy who tries his best. Her mouth curves into a small smile at the thought. ]

Goro as well, now that I'm thinking about it... I wonder if we collect friends based on what we need, or what we want to be... Reflections of ourselves, or perhaps missing pieces...? [ Half to herself, a soft, wondering rumination. ] ...Regardless, I'm happy for the company.

[ She actually has a half-formed responsible about being overbearing, not sure if she's going to complain or apologize right up until the second part of the sentence comes, shutting her up. But it does make her look a bit silly for a moment. ]

[ But ... honestly, being told she's similar to Silver makes her feel more than warm enough that she can't refute - or would even want to refute - any of that. She laughs a bit at the second part, brushing her hand on the counter and smiling. ]

Honestly, it's probably a little of both of those, if there even is a reason. People who are too similar to each other tend to end up arguing.

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