matchbreaker | Recollé IC Inbox

That bad, huh?

[It's enough to get him to stop, but not enough to make his curiosity die down. ...Or his concern.]

[ . . . She can't bring herself to lie. Both to lie to Silver after everything or to lie and say what's contained within is bad. ]

No, it's not that bad. Simply ... private.

You're home earlier than usual.

...Yeah. There's something I wanted to tell you.

[Not that he... Really wants to tell her, but he sort of needs to, at this point.]

Oh. ... Well, then should we talk over some coffee or tea? Juice?

[ She's already turning to get into the kitchen to get those, leaving the sketchbook there and trusting him not to grab it. and follow her ]

I found somewhere to stay.

[That just... Gets blurted out, really. He doesn't move, whether it's to follow her or touch the sketchbook.

[ Oh.

She stops short of her movement, her body half turns towards moving ahead of him and her face becomes rigid. She knew she had been looking, honestly, he was barely home. Out and about, always looking for that new apartment. She'd considered offering him a nice deal, perhaps paying his rent while insisting her take a class or two, not waste him time and...

But he found one, finally... so he's going to leave them again-

... That's not the right way to look at it. Silver's an adult, and this is an adult step. She inhales her breath deeply. ]

[ so she shifts and pulls him into a tight hug. ]

Oh did you! That's great, Silver! I know you've been looking!

[...That's what he wanted to hear, right? It's no problem. This was never supposed to be a permanent thing anyway. So why does that feel like a kick in the teeth?]

Yeah. One of my... friends, I guess. He found a place. It's really affordable. It's close to the college and work.

[Why the hell is he even mentioning the RU? It's not like he's planning on going. Come on, the least he could do is try to sound thrilled about this...]

[ She's going to cry.

It wouldn't suit her to cry right now, so instead she nods against his chest, smiling as she continues to hug the boy. ]

Oh, you really found something that suited for you? It's with people you trust, right? No one who I need to tell off? Oh, I'm so proud of you!

[...This isn't what he wants to hear. Silver wriggles his way out of her hug and... Turns to look somewhere else, really, because he's not sure he trusts himself to keep a straight face right now.]

Anyway, I think I'm gonna turn down his offer. I mean, he's pretty annoying, and I'm sure I'll do something to mess up a roommate situation in three months, tops. It's not worth it. I can keep looking for my own place. Or a nice park bench, if you get tired of keeping me here.

[He's not even sure what he's saying anymore, but he sure is saying it.]

[ Don't you do this to her. Don't you do this to her. A mother is supportive of their child, and that means... Well, right now, that means that she needs to bare the hurt of him saying that she could ever tire of him being here and argue against her own interests and desires. She exhales, and makes to take one of his hands in both of hers. ]

Don't say that. You've been looking out there for a month, and if you came to tell me in the first place, then it's obvious it's something you're seriously considering. If you'll be rent controlled and near you job and... [ RU... ] it'll be much easier for you going forward. You're always welcome here, but- [ Don't choke ] I know that you value your independence. Unless you really don't like this fellow, I'm sure you'll be an excellent roommate.

It's exactly what I've been looking for. Not for a month, for months. Since before I even met you. Since they first put me in foster care. I want my own independence. I want control over my own life. I'm tired of being passed around and discarded, or messing up what good I do get. If that's how it's gonna be, it's better if I'm just...

[Alone, right? Goro doesn't even see him as a friend. He's a convenience to the damn guy with no friends.

Even so, he can't bring himself to finish his words.]

[ She squeezes his hand a little bit tighter. She keeps her voice as even as she can manage it, showing ... trying hard to express all her affection and none of her hurt. After all, the fact of the matter is while no one has hurt her more than this boy, that's because she loves this boy. She was more than willing to make him her son and...

Maybe they're there. Maybe they'll never be there.

Oh well, a mother does what she can. ]

That isn't how it has to be, Silver. [ Her voice is gentle. ] I know it's hard for you to trust anyone, least of all me... but you do have people who will support you, both to keep you close when you need it, and to allow you that independence now.

The world isn't as cruel as you think.

[...That gets him to stop, and he looks at her with more vulnerability he'd like, opens his mouth to say something, and...

...Immediately ducks his head down and covers his god damn eyes, actually. That's not fucking normal.]

-Silver.

Silver, are you alright?

[ What is he doing? ]

[He doesn't respond. It's the lack of response that usually comes with a memory, but he doesn't usually make this big of a deal out of it, and in fact likes acting like he just zoned out for a moment with much discussion, if he can manage it. But this isn't a normal memory. This memory's accompanied by searing pain unlike anything he's ever felt before. This memory is completely pitch black. And to top it off, he has no idea how to process any of the emotions or thoughts that went into it, either.

It's mercifully brief, at least; the contrast between pitch black nothingness and the dim lighting of the room is drastic, and the relief from the pain in the memory is immediate.]

S...Sorry.

[He speaks as if he's not actually sure the word would even get out, then straightens himself out and... Elda.]

I got a memory. A bad one.

[It's fine. I just need a minute. That's what he should be saying right now, but...]

[ Oh.

... You know what, holding his hand isn't good enough now she's going to go back to hugging him, and she's going to yank his upper body down a little so she can reach up and rake her nails on the back of his scalp, a comforting movement that she remembers her mother doing for her. ]

Don't worry, I'm here. You're safe here.

[Silver doesn't put up a shred of resistance and just lets Elda do what she wants; he's not exactly going to shout it to the heavens, but this is comforting and reassuring. More so than he thought it would be, really.]

I know.

[...Whatever happened, it took the damn wind out of Silver's sails, that's for sure. Because no matter how he wants to try and look at that situation- which he really doesn't- it's much better here. It feels bad to even compare them.]

I don't want to leave.

[ Don't you do this to her. ]

[ she continues to stroke his head, trying to be comforting and...

Silver doesn't know this action. Toushiro does, but honestly when he was adopted he was probably a little bit too old for it. She hums a soft little lullaby that she remembers her mother humming for her. She's forgotten the lyrics, if there ever were words associated with it. But it's meant to just be a a soft, pleasant sound for the body's ears while he settles from whatever it was he just experienced. ]

[ Which she'll continue, awkwardly at first, but then more confidently until he - and she fully expects he will - pushes her away. And when he does push her away, she'll be a good, proper mother for a teenager then. Giving him some encouraging word to help him forward in his life.

Not some clingy woman who wants to keep him forever. ]

Edited 2017-07-15 02:26 (UTC)

[He doesn't really comprehend what she's doing at first, but... That's what you do with kids when they're scared, right? You sing in a gentle soothing voice. That's what you're supposed to do, anyway. Did his mom ever so anything like this? Not that there's a chance in hell that he'd remember if she did, but... He shakes his head briefly. He needs to just let this happen. There isn't another person around that would put this kind of effort into trying to soothe him. It's hard enough to understand it from Elda.

It's not something he pulls away from, but it does calm him down eventually.]

I don't know what was happening. I couldn't see a thing and was upset about something. I think I was about to do something stupid.

[...He doesn't need to get into more detail than that. The only reason he does to begin with is because it seems fair to say something to Elda, to offer her some kind of explanation.]

I'm going to move. I'm also gonna take a class or two. That shouldn't be too expensive.

[She's the one person that would be excited to hear that, isn't she?]

--Oh! Really?! Are you sure?!

[ She has a lot more to comfort him for, but the idea that he would give in to her hopes for him like that?! She's... shocked, actually? She sort of takes a half-step back from him, her arms on his upper arms. ]

Don't get too excited. I'm doing it for Aoi.

[It's one thing if he doesn't know what the hell to do with himself, but-]

I'm gonna learn sign language with him. Maybe we'll be able to communicate better.

-Golly, that thing's intelligent enough for that?! It's like those Planet of the Monkeys movies!

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